A Diary Of An Introvert - DAY 7!

27th May, 2017

10:00 PM

Dear Diary,

I usually do not express when I feel joyful, or loved, not even when I’m desperately in love with someone, why? I don’t know why, because I haven’t really pondered about it but I’ve never been expressive of my emotions. Though I could’ve been, specially with the ones who I consider to be my confidant, but I don’t. Probably because, I prefer keeping my emotions to myself, specially when it comes to being hurt or being extremely loving towards someone because people who think that they can take advantage of your emotional state sucks on your vulnerabilities, they feel that probably they won’t be able to find you so weak ever, because extreme of any emotion actually brings you to a point where you really cannot differentiate the wrong from right. Hence, you happen to make such stupid decisions that life doesn’t offer you a second chance of correction. 

As I’ve read, this face of me is known to the #EmotionFacet in an introvert. People who are low on this facet finds it hard to express their emotions to people who matter to them. They ain’t necessarily anxious, worried or depressed, but they also cannot express the positive emotions they might be feeling like love, happiness or freedom. I do feel inwardly contented or distressed, but I never really found the need to express to it to someone around me or present in my life. 

I find it a lot more possible to enjoy my life quietly without feeling the need to emote outwardly the emotions I hold deep inside me. I prefer rather staying quiet than express what I demand from people. I hold up myself and listen to what they might have to say, but I do not express what I might feel at the moment or the turmoil in my head which fails to calm down. I do not wish to nagged at that moment because when I’m vulnerable, it’s easier to peep inside the walls which surround my soul, but as time passes by, I cage those emotions inside me, without letting them escape to the hands of another.

I sometimes do not agree to a certain emotions myself because they do not bring along feelings which could be dealt by me alone, hence I try escaping my own thoughts, I TRY ESCAPING FROM MYSELF, for only then do I reside in peace. 

My desire to solitude has always been more than just a preference, it has been crucial to my happiness. I do notice everything, I do feel the minute of details of a situation, I also too feel hurt what I actually do not realise is the fact that the other people consider me to be a hard hearted, cold person where actually every word which they speak actually pricks like a needle through my heart. I do keep things to myself because a little hibernation has always been good for the mind. 

Solitude matters, and for introverts like me, it’s the air we breathe. There are things nobody knows, things that I’ll never feel comfortable to tell anyone. One may think that I tell him/her everything, but I don’t. Not even close to. You know nothing, Jon Snow.

See you tomorrow in the night! 

Love, 

Aisha!