A Diary Of An Introvert - DAY 4!

24th May, 2017

11:00 PM

Dear Diary,

People often say to me, you don’t seem to be like an introvert, in fact I don’t feel like one even specifically in my social situations, it’s not like my palms start sweating or I stammer when I’ve to address a number of people, it isn’t that way with me, though it can be with others, but obviously, not every person holds the same type of personality. One such type of face in introversion is what technically is called the #GregariousnessFacet. 

Gregarious, literally means to be a person who is very fond of company and is sociable, but isn’t that completely the opposite of being an introvert, but actually not. The quality of gregariousness in me helps me to enjoy around others too, seek out social situations and actively try to be where there are chances of meeting new people. 

I’m more often mistaken as an extrovert just because of this face of mind but it’s highly detrimental of this trait to exist in me, since everyone around me believes that most likely I wish to be liked by others. However, what is different between me and the usual people is the fact that I do not feel stir crazy once I’m left alone, exactly what a normal gregarious person isn’t capable of. 

What usually misunderstand in me is the fact that I possibly interact in the same way with every human around me, what they aren’t aware of is the fact that I do not like to be as exposed with others as I might be with my close friends or family, because I hold a special connection, the unsaid words, and feelings which they understand is something which I cannot let everyone realise, hence I stay quiet when someone asks me if at all I’m what I am with them, because I hold a different me with every person I am with. 

The gregarious and intimate facet in me is always on a conflict, because at times I may relate to a complete stranger, who probably has a story just like mine while at times I might seek out to my closest friends since they’ve always been there, but that simply doesn’t mean that I’m neglecting my friend or finding a confidant in a stranger, it’s all in the moment, the moment when the right or the wrong person just says the right things to you, in that moment for me, it doesn’t matter who that person is, what matters is what they have to say to me, for we all seek one ultimate goal in life, the word called peace. A story unknown to the souls in life these days, and that’s exactly what I seek as an introvert throughout my life. 

For an extrovert, peace comes along with the acceptance from the society but for me, it comes from the acceptance of my deeds to myself than anyone else living or dead in the world, because if I cannot love myself, then I’m surely not capable of being loved or to love someone else. 

For a quiet, and sensitive soul as mine, solitude is the golden thread between me and my inner world, I need quiet to connect the dots of the constellations of my thoughts, and no matter what provides me that solitude, be it a room full of people, or a window shimmering under the loneliness of the night Moon, all I demand is solace and that is what I live for.

In order to hold a better connection with my constellations, I’ll take your leave diary only to see you tomorrow, at night. 

Love,

Aisha!